


Falling

by orphan_account



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Fallen!Aziraphale, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Kissing, M/M, Owls are amazing and I wish I was one, Pulling your feathers off counts?, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-24
Updated: 2019-08-24
Packaged: 2020-09-25 06:18:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20372065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Aziraphale has fallen.





	Falling

**Author's Note:**

> Uh, why do I always post this kind of stuff late? I don't have time to fix it since I have to sleep early and then it is barely readable. I hope it's not too bad and you can still enjoy it :)

When Crowley walks to the second floor of the bookshop, everything is upside down, as if the room was sacked. Books everywhere, a broken cup on the floor —still dripping cocoa—, a lamp that was presumably threw against the wall with violent fury. And feathers. Black feathers all over the place, some of them blood-spattered.

Everything smells terrible, but not in a disgusting way, but a fright-filled one. There’s fear in the air and that’s what ultimately makes Crowley deduce something is not right —since is hard to see with the curtains closed—. Quicker than ever, he stumbles to the switch and turns the lights on.

That’s when he sees him. Sitting in a corner with his back to the door, rocking back and front with his wings on display, Aziraphale is sobbing unintelligible words. Without even thinking about it, Crowley runs to kneel at his side and grab him by the shoulders.

“Angel!” 

“Don’t call me that!” Aziraphale screams, still rocking. “Don’t call me that, don’t call me that, don’t…”

“W-what… what on Earth happened to you?”

“Don’t call me that, I’m not an angel, don’t call me that, I’m not an…”

“What do you mean you’re not an angel? What are you talking about?”

“C-Crowley, my dear, I… I…” He can’t even bring himself to say it out loud. He just pulls a feather off and yells in pain.

“Don’t… what… Don’t do that!” Crowley slaps his hand before he can grab another. “Why…”

Aziraphale pulls another feather and cries out again.

“Stop it!”

And another.

“Alright, you leave me no choice.”

Snapping his fingers, Crowley materialize a rope around Aziraphale’s wrists, immobilizing them.

“Let me go!” Aziraphale shouts, trying to break free. “Let me go, you disgusting creature! Foul fiend! Horrible, horrible being!”

“Angel, what’s wrong with you?” Even though the insults hurt, he can’t start a fight when his partner is in such state.

“I told you not to call me that! I hate you! I hate us both! I hope we both die… I hope we both die with all of our kind!”

“Aziraphale, please, please calm down and look at me,” Crowley begs, taking his glasses off and putting a hand on each side of Aziraphale’s head.

“No, no, no…” he whispers, eyes closed, like he’s praying.

“Please, an-… please, love, look at me. It’s all I’m asking. Look at me and I’ll leave you alone if that’s what you want.”

Aziraphale finally opens his eyes. They’ve gone completely black and there are small splats of white here and there. It looks like a starry night.

“There you are,” Crowley smiles, resting their foreheads together. “And not disgusting or horrible at all.”

“You don’t have to lie.”

“It’s the truth. Now, please, tell me what happened.”

Aziraphale sighs.

“I think it’s quite obvious.”

“Angel… I mean… Never mind… did you fall?”

He can’t help it. He starts sobbing again and Crowley feels terrible, making the rope disappear and letting Aziraphale hold him as he does the same. One of his fingers accidentally brushes against the ex-angel wing and he shivers.

“Sorry,” Crowley apologizes. “I forgot how sensitive they are at the start.”

“Do you mean it gets better?” Aziraphale asks, pulling away.

“Yes, technically… give them a few decades. I promise it won’t always be that bad.”

“I don’t intend to keep them around for a few decades.”

“Well, you can’t rip them off,” he chuckles. Aziraphale seems serious, though. “Oh, no, you’re not…”

“I _hate_ them. They hurt and itch and make me feel awful. I hate them, I hate the eyes, I hate that I can see in the dark now so I don’t even get to rest from this curse during night-time.”

“Oh, but they’re not that awful at all. You… you always seemed to like mine. You do like mine, right?”

“I adore every single part of you… But this… I can’t believe this happened to me. I can’t… We did so much… so many things that could upset Her. I wish she would have told me what I… How could I… I’m so terribly confused.”

He hides his face against Crowley’s chest, who gently caresses his hair. At least the hair is the same.

“You did nothing wrong, Aziraphale.”

“I don’t… I’m not even sure that is my name anymore. She must have changed it to… Azirafell? And that’s the least dreadful one I could come up with.”

Crowley wants to tell him that’s just ridiculous, but… Crawly is not the most dignified name in the world…

“Dear, what… what used to be your name? Did it sound like the one they gave you after… after your fall?”

He shakes his head, chuckling.

“You know what? I don’t even remember.”

“Of course you don’t…”

“Listen, I know it feels like a pretty big deal now, but I swear it won’t feel like this forever. The wings eventually stop hurting, you get used to the unwanted perks and if you don’t like the name, you change it! Besides, both Heaven and Hell are _terrified_ of us now. Satan himself must fear you’re going to show up and take his crown.”

Aziraphale laughs a little. Just a little.

“Your smile hasn’t changed,” says Crowley, stroking his cheek. “See? Angel or demon, you’re still the same. I love you like this. And even if I didn’t, I would learn like… like you learned to love me.”

“Oh, Crowley…” His smile intensifies and he gets so close their noses are touching. “Loving you is the easiest thing in the universe.”

“So you don’t hate me anymore, then.”

Aziraphale’s expression changes. He’s hurt.

“Dear, you know I didn’t mean that. I haven’t meant most of the things I told you in the past 6000 years.”

“What about the time you told me my tongue…”

“WellperhapsImeantthatone!” he quickly exclaims, eyes widening and face reddening. “But… I could never hate you. I don’t think you’re disgusting or horrible. I feel blessed for having you in my life.”

“Do you mean… _damned_?”

Aziraphale playfully smacks him on the arm as they laugh. When they manage to calm down, they kiss.

“I know this is not how you wanted it to be,” Crowley mumbles against his lips. “I know they made you think awful things about this. I know you are scared. But trust me, angel or not, you’ll be fine. I will make everything fine for you. I’ll do anything.”

“Anything?”

“Name it and it’s yours.”

“Do you think you can… keep calling me angel?”

Crowley backs a few inches away.

“I’m quite used to it,” Aziraphale explains, “And, for some reasons, it always sounded so… affectionate.”

“That’s how I always meant it to sound.”

The other blushes again.

“Can I ask for something, too?”

“Of course, dear.”

“May I… I mean, if you’re not against it… May I perhaps… see your… your other form?”

“My… my other form?”

“Only if you agree! But it’s alright if you don’t. I know it’s quite personal and you’re still not comfortable and I would hate to make you…”

“Crowley, dear, it’s quite alright,” he grins softly. “I… I still don’t have it completely figured out but… Alright, don’t look!”

Crowley laughs at the sudden shyness, but closes his eyes anyway.

“Hold your arm like… this,” Aziraphale makes him stretch his arm forward.

A few seconds later, Crowley feels a small weight on it.

“You can look now, dear.”

His first thought is that he can’t believe Aziraphale was so ashamed of it. Knowing how the fall affected people like Hastur and Beelzebub, he should be grateful for what he got. Even if he didn’t know that he should be grateful. He’s not only an owl, but one of the prettiest owls Crowley has ever seen.

“Angel, you were… you were disgusted by this?!”

“It is not that simple! Sometimes I find myself hooting for no reason and I already mentioned I can see in the dark.”

“Doesn’t sound that bad to me…”

“A-and… and I can make my head spin 360°!”

“Angel, that’s the most amazing thing ever!”

“Yes, but… but I’d rather be an angel.”

“Oh, and what fun things can angels do exactly? Besides being complete snobs who treat each other like garbage.”

“Well, people in Hell aren’t particularly nice, dear.”

“At least that’s a part of our _job description_! We don’t pretend we love each other. And even if we did, you won’t ever have to deal with them. They’re afraid of us, remember? Both in Heaven and Hell. Nothing will change, besides the fact you can turn the bookshop in an owl café or something and stop making up excuses not to sell books!”

“I… I actually haven’t thought about it.”

“A cruelty-free owl café, huh? You’re not a very good demon,” Crowley jokes.

“Alright, let me go back to normal.”

“Do I have to close my eyes again?”

Without answering, Aziraphale takes his human (or at least close to human) shape, falling sat right Crowley’s arm. He gets up as soon as he hears him moan in pain.

“I’m sorry!”

“No harm done, angel,” Crowley replies, rubbing his arm.

They kiss and Aziraphale puts his wings around him. It is true that they’re far more sensitive than he would like, but it doesn’t feel that bad anymore. At the end of the day, it’s just a new way to hold Crowley.

If God thought this would be a punishment… Well, Aziraphale is still not that comfortable questioning Her.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on tumblr as im-the-ineffable-dumbass


End file.
